Thursday, July 24, 2003
This will be my last entry until after I return from the Bahamas.
I leave work today at 5pm and will not be looking back once. I don’t have to come to this place for 9 whole days. It’s like the best thing to happen to me all year. It’s not that my job is so bad, per se, but just knowing that the next week and a half is for me…ah yes. Freedom in its truest form.
I just finished reading The World of Normal Boys. Ahmad let me borrow it before we stopped hanging out and I just finally got around to reading it. There are very few books that have impacted me the way this one did. The story was captivating, the characters were beautiful, the emotions conveyed so honest and real. The book sent my entire world into a free fall. As I closed the book, I sat staring at the trees in the park and contemplated my existence. How lucky am I to be who I am? How blessed am I to have the family and friends that I have? Gosh, some people don’t have it nearly as good as I do. I cried and let the tears flow down my face, unashamed.
Reading this book was one of the best experiences I have had all week. I feel touched in the most incredible way. A mixture of happiness and sadness balled into one.
Because so much is going on around me right now it is hard to exhibit any sort of control. I feel good, but I feel anxious. So much to do, yet none of it is negative. I don’t necessarily like feeling this way. I like to have control over my life and over the emotions that result. Unfamiliar feelings scare me. At times, I think that I should avoid books like this, as it brings so many delicate topics right to the surface. However, I always walk away a stronger and better person because of it.
In other news…I am petrified of the upcoming flight to the Bahamas. I am sure that everything will be fine and that there won’t be any problems. There hasn’t been an airline accident (in the US) in over a year. But the unknown…the wondering…the time that I have to sit and fantasize about my horrible death. Please God let this flight be smooth. Calm me down, relax me into it, and let me enjoy it for what it’s worth. I have been waiting so long for this moment. Don’t want it to be ruined by superficial fears.
Trust in God.
I will miss all of you while I am gone. Miss the routine of it all. If there is any chance that I can find a computer in Freeport, I will stop in and give a quick hello. But if not, I hope that everyone has a painless and enjoyable week. Do something for yourself. Tell someone that you love them, even if they are driving you crazy. Take 20 minutes out of your day to spend thinking and analyzing yourself, your situation in life. Do this and find some peace.
Gosh, next time I write in here, this whole trip will be over.
If for some reason I don’t make it through the flight, I need my Rita to take care of my friends and family that I have left behind. Kelly, you are in charge of disposing of my dildos, porn, and anything else that would otherwise embarrass the other people in my life. I trust in you two the most. You know everything about me.
Alright, that is it. I am leaving for a trip that will hopefully bring a moving and life changing experience.
Be good everyone!
And
Don’t forget about me.
I leave work today at 5pm and will not be looking back once. I don’t have to come to this place for 9 whole days. It’s like the best thing to happen to me all year. It’s not that my job is so bad, per se, but just knowing that the next week and a half is for me…ah yes. Freedom in its truest form.
I just finished reading The World of Normal Boys. Ahmad let me borrow it before we stopped hanging out and I just finally got around to reading it. There are very few books that have impacted me the way this one did. The story was captivating, the characters were beautiful, the emotions conveyed so honest and real. The book sent my entire world into a free fall. As I closed the book, I sat staring at the trees in the park and contemplated my existence. How lucky am I to be who I am? How blessed am I to have the family and friends that I have? Gosh, some people don’t have it nearly as good as I do. I cried and let the tears flow down my face, unashamed.
Reading this book was one of the best experiences I have had all week. I feel touched in the most incredible way. A mixture of happiness and sadness balled into one.
Because so much is going on around me right now it is hard to exhibit any sort of control. I feel good, but I feel anxious. So much to do, yet none of it is negative. I don’t necessarily like feeling this way. I like to have control over my life and over the emotions that result. Unfamiliar feelings scare me. At times, I think that I should avoid books like this, as it brings so many delicate topics right to the surface. However, I always walk away a stronger and better person because of it.
In other news…I am petrified of the upcoming flight to the Bahamas. I am sure that everything will be fine and that there won’t be any problems. There hasn’t been an airline accident (in the US) in over a year. But the unknown…the wondering…the time that I have to sit and fantasize about my horrible death. Please God let this flight be smooth. Calm me down, relax me into it, and let me enjoy it for what it’s worth. I have been waiting so long for this moment. Don’t want it to be ruined by superficial fears.
Trust in God.
I will miss all of you while I am gone. Miss the routine of it all. If there is any chance that I can find a computer in Freeport, I will stop in and give a quick hello. But if not, I hope that everyone has a painless and enjoyable week. Do something for yourself. Tell someone that you love them, even if they are driving you crazy. Take 20 minutes out of your day to spend thinking and analyzing yourself, your situation in life. Do this and find some peace.
Gosh, next time I write in here, this whole trip will be over.
If for some reason I don’t make it through the flight, I need my Rita to take care of my friends and family that I have left behind. Kelly, you are in charge of disposing of my dildos, porn, and anything else that would otherwise embarrass the other people in my life. I trust in you two the most. You know everything about me.
Alright, that is it. I am leaving for a trip that will hopefully bring a moving and life changing experience.
Be good everyone!
And
Don’t forget about me.
